Category: Arizonans

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Away from Arizona too long

1. Your autocorrect can’t remember how to spell “Tucson” and instead turns it into “Toucan” every single time. 2. You’re totally reliant on your phone to tell you what direction you’re facing because there’s no sun and the flat horizon is totally uninterrupted by mountains — or really, any kind of topography. 3. You’re the only one pissed off about… Read more →

Customs to know before going to AZ

1. Don’t touch it. Whatever it is, it bites, hisses, stings, and/or burns. 2. It’s not courteous to ask an Arizonan if they’re packing a gun. They are. Nod and smile, and don’t stare at any holsters. 3. Don’t ask and don’t tell about politics. Then again, don’t assume. Arizonans defy stereotypes. There are conservative Mexican border patrol agents and… Read more →

Arizonan snobs

1. We go for mescal over tequila. If we must have tequila, we sip the añejo, or longest-aged variety. Mescal, the smokier, richer alcoholic concoction usually comes with a free worm. Don’t even get us started about margaritas. 2. Arizona’s Mexican food is the correct north-of-the-border version. We each have a favorite hot sauce, salsa, and type of chip. We… Read more →

Piss off an Arizonan

Arizonans are a pretty tolerant bunch…well, some are. We’re accustomed to snowbirds flocking in and doubling our population during the idyllic season we call “winter.” We’re patient with tourists (even though some of us call you “tourons”) who clog up the streets and mispronounce words. But there are a few surefire ways to heat our tempers. Here’s how to piss… Read more →

Northern and Southern Arizona

NORTHERN ARIZONA AND SOUTHERN ARIZONA could be two different states for all the things their inhabitants have in common — and Phoenix could be a separate planet altogether. All Arizonans take pride in their Baby State, but regional loyalties run deep and punches are occasionally thrown. Here are some of those points of contention: 1. “The weather is better down/up… Read more →

How to become culturally Arizonan

1. Carry a bottle of water with you. Everywhere. It’s tough to be culturally competent while passed out from heat stroke. 2. Same with sunglasses. Check to make sure you have your wallet/purse, keys, water bottle, and shades before leaving the house. 3. Up your spice threshold. Our version of “mild” food is your rendition of “holy crap that’s hot.”… Read more →

Locals vs. transplans in Arizona

THE STATE OF ARIZONA is lived in by a wildly diverse population. You’ve got the snowbirds, the new transplants, the locals, the real locals — Native Americans –, and the transplants who’ve stayed long enough to be damn near local. Here are ways to tell some of them apart. 1. A local orders a shot of Reposado tequila at a… Read more →

Mess up your Arizonan date

1. Mix up Arizona State University and the University of Arizona. Black sheep Northern Arizona University is exempt from their 118-year-old Duel in the Desert rivalry. 2. Overdress. We’re casual. Not like Crocs-at-dinner casual, but casual. 3. Underdress, especially in cities like Scottsdale or up-scale parts of Tucson or Sedona. Tacky. 4. Demonstrate confusion about the salsa bar, because you… Read more →