Category: Arizona

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How to become culturally Arizonan

1. Carry a bottle of water with you. Everywhere. It’s tough to be culturally competent while passed out from heat stroke. 2. Same with sunglasses. Check to make sure you have your wallet/purse, keys, water bottle, and shades before leaving the house. 3. Up your spice threshold. Our version of “mild” food is your rendition of “holy crap that’s hot.”… Read more →

Locals vs. transplans in Arizona

THE STATE OF ARIZONA is lived in by a wildly diverse population. You’ve got the snowbirds, the new transplants, the locals, the real locals — Native Americans –, and the transplants who’ve stayed long enough to be damn near local. Here are ways to tell some of them apart. 1. A local orders a shot of Reposado tequila at a… Read more →

Mess up your Arizonan date

1. Mix up Arizona State University and the University of Arizona. Black sheep Northern Arizona University is exempt from their 118-year-old Duel in the Desert rivalry. 2. Overdress. We’re casual. Not like Crocs-at-dinner casual, but casual. 3. Underdress, especially in cities like Scottsdale or up-scale parts of Tucson or Sedona. Tacky. 4. Demonstrate confusion about the salsa bar, because you… Read more →

Things only Arizona moms would say

1. (Hollering): “DON’T FORGET YOUR JACKET!” (when the outside temperature cools off to 78 degrees). Whether we live in the Sonoran Desert, a northern high-altitude forest, or one of the six or so ecosystems in between, Arizonans wear a jacket when it’s cold. “Cold” means 78 degrees and lower. Conversely, we wear shorts when it’s 20 degrees or warmer. Flip-flops… Read more →

How to insult an Arizonan

1. Ask them, “That’s near California, right?” Arizona is the 6th largest state in the US. While we are next to California, we are our own giant state. When The Big One hits and we have coastal property, you’ll know exactly where we are located. 2. Ask if it’s true that everyone here is conservative and Republican? Like every state,… Read more →

Things Arizonans never say

1. “I don’t need hot sauce.”2. “I’ve never shot a gun.”3. “I hate Mexican food.”4. “I want to take a vacation to somewhere warmer.”5. “I wish it was sunnier.”6. “I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon.”7. “I love Arizona weather in the summer.”8. “I’d like a pop, please!”9. “I’ve never seen a scorpion.10. “Humid heat is way worse than dry… Read more →

Born and raised in Southern Arizona

1. You’re accustomed to having your own time zone. While it’s technically Pacific Time half the year and Mountain Time the other half of the year, we just call it Arizona time and we never need to change our clocks (with a small exception in one corner of the state on the Navajo Reservation). After all, daylight savings is archaic and… Read more →